Who Says I Can't...

John Mayer has a new single out from his highly anticipated new release (Battle Studies, out November 17) called "Who Says." Seems like a harmless title, and a promising title at that, since Mayer released the sweet, inspiring "Say" a couple years ago as a complement to the film "The Bucket List" starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. With such similar titles, one would think that "Who Says" and "Say" would both have that signature Mayer bluesy sound, accompanied by heartwarming lyricism. But no. This is definitely not the case. Rather, the song opens with this memorable line: "Who says I can't get stoned?"

Actually, there are a number of people who say you can't get stoned, like...
the police
your mom (I hope)
the D.A.R.E. program
your doctor (yet again, I REALLY hope so)
your future wife and kids
your kindergarten teacher
McGruff the Crime Dog
Barack Obama
and most importantly, me. I say you can't get stoned. Just because.

John Mayer said that his new album would be a "heartbreak handbook." One would think that he knows quite a lot about that topic, since he's garnered quite a lot of media attention for his many short-lived romances with some of Hollywood's finest women (Jennifer Anniston, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, etc.). I don't quite understand how "Who Says" fits into this handbook of love, but because we are talking about the one and only John Mayer, I trust him. Sure, I don't particularly like "Who Says," although it does have nice little "I can do whatever I want, so forget you!" message, which I always appreciate, being an angsty teenager and all. I just think John Mayer should cool it with the "who says I can't get stoned" thing, since, in actuality, a heck of a lot of people say that he can't. That may be sad, but it's true. We need guidelines to protect and perpetuate society, and not getting stoned is one of them. Having one of the sexiest voices on the face of the planet does not exclude you from the same rule that applies to ugly-voiced people: you still can't get stoned. John Mayer, you just have to accept that.

I know, I know--it's all a part of the message of the song. I get it. But still. No stoning. Ever. Period. I rest my case.