Summer Movies

So...

On this glorious Friday (actually, it wasn't all that glorious. i came home from school in a fuss and had to overload my brain with TDWP records until my spontaneous hormone rage subsided. Nothing tames so menacing a beast as estrogen like screamo music written by tattoo-smothered, skinny white guys. Anyway, i digress.), my Summer Movie Preview issue of Entertainment Weekly jettisoned itself via postal service (not Ben Gibbard!) into my welcoming tin mail box. But it wasn't the bold, size 72 font "Summer Movie Preview" that initially caught my eye. Of course, it was Hugh Jackman's (as Wolverine) gigantic, glistening bicep that brought immediate excitement. He could probably eradicate an entire country with just one magnificent arm. Instead, being the hunky humanitarian that he is, Hugh makes twitter updates to satiate the obsessive appetites of his adoring female fans (...wonder who they could be...) and donates to charities. He's remained faithfully married to his wife for thirteen years, adopted two children, has a steady and gracious income, and is incredibly sexy (he won the sexiest man alive title in People magazine last year). Over the course of my long lived sixteen years, i have seen many a middle aged man. Most of them i would rather not see running shirtless through forests while sporting metal claws and a furry beard, but in the case of Hugh Jackman, such activity is spiritedly encouraged.

Anyway...about summer movies...

1) One movie that i am obviously excited about is X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Starring the one and only Hugh Jackman, Origins gives the background of the chiseled, angry Wolverine. He was last seen despairing over the death of Jean Grey (a death which he imposed, quite deliberately, actually), shirtless upon a mound of debris. Because nobody truly wants to remember this, we're going to erase this image from our mind and focus on his beginnings and the cause for his angsty canine character. Another aspect of this film to look forward to is Liev Schreiber. A talented actor (Oh and he's Jewish, by the way) and author (Everything is Illuminated), for me, he always makes movies much more interesting. i cannot wait to see both of these actors in one action-abundant film on May 1!

2) Next, Terminator Salvation. It is probable that i will not see this movie for two reasons. First, i have only seen the first Terminator, meaning that there are two other Terminator movies that i have yet to see. Secondly, after Christian Bale's little tantrum, i don't think i can watch him seriously in this film. If i were to attend this movie, whenever Bale comes on screen, i will break out into horrendously uncontrollable laughter, humming the internet ditty created from his maniac cussing repeatedly in my mind, and noticing the striking resemblance of his haircut to my Filipino grandfather's. It would be, as Danny Noriega would say, TMTH (too much to handle). Comes out May 21.

3) Up. i don't know much about this film, but it's Pixar. That's all i need to know. Comes out May 29.

4) Star Trek. It. looks. AWESOME. My knowledge of Star Trek is extremely pathetic, but frankly my dear, i don't care! My reasons why: a) lead actor Chris Pine. What a cutie! b) Zachary Quinto. We all know him as Sylar from Heroes. Although i no longer watch Heroes, Sylar remains forever in my heart. Not because he's a psycho killer who lasers people's foreheads off to steal their powers. It's the eyebrows. The eyebrows are practically a character of their own. So expressive, so dark, so inviting. Quinto's eyebrows are like manna from heaven, but inedible and attached to someone's face. They are the darkness and thickness of a fierce raven's wing; they are emotive and soulful, contorting into shapes that only hearts can understand. Oh yeah, plus there's fighting and space ships. C'mon dude! Comes out May 8.

5) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Have i been living under a rock? Because until right now, i had no idea that a Transformers sequel was hitting theaters this summer. i figured after the Allspark and the blossoming of romance between our young pubescent heroes indicated a certain end for at least...another few years. i guess i've lost track of the time! Anyway, i'm quite curious to see what powerful piano rock song they'll use as the theme for this installment of the Transformers series. The mean piano intro of Linkin Park's "What I've Done" was such an epic way to end the first film (as well as to promote it) that i don't think there can be quite another way to do Transformers without that song. They could channel the other great power of piano rock-- Elton John. As interesting as that would be, it would be such terrible mix, unless Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox were getting their...crocodile rock on. i fully enjoyed the first Transformers, but i don't know if i'm quite eager for a sequel. When i see a trailer, or when the buzz gets around, perhaps my feelings will change. Comes out June 24.

6) Public Enemies. Nowwww we're talking. What'd you say? Did you hear that? i said Johnny Deppppp!! He's come back from Fleet Street and Bikini Bottom (yes, he's featured in Spongebob Squarepants)to thrill us all with his stunning abilities and age-defying beauty! As i look at his picture, dressed in John Dillinger garb appropriate for the film, i think that he looks so amazingly fine in a suit, with furrowed brow, gripping a handgun (scissors are probably more his thing, but hey, guns are welcome). Much improved from the pasty-faced, Cruella Devil look from Sweeney Todd. Oh yes, and Christian Bale stars alongside. i can forget the tantrum for the sake of Johnny, who just makes everything better. As for the premise of the movie, it's a heist (based off of real events, i believe) in the 1930s. i'm always up for a heist movie, especially if Johnny Depp is present. Comes out July 1.

My hand is sore, so i shall return to this task later. Next: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!