Here's a little something I wrote on my airplane flight to DC

Lavatory Convictions

I arrived at the airport feeling very parched. I longed for Vitamin Water, so I embarked on a search for said product. After entering various little shops at the airport, I realized that the world was against me and none of my beloved liquid was to be had. I was forced to settle for a can of Arizona green tea with ginseng and honey. I had never before tasted this drink, so I was quite curious to discover its taste. I was really really thirsty at the time--I probably would have drank sewer water if I had the chance.

So I settled down in a comfy chair and had my first sip. I could not believe what my mouth was beholding--it was sip of heaven. It was my newfound miracle elixir. This drink was magical. It is the great drink. The drink to end all wars. The one drink to rule them all.

I sipped away the last few drops of my beloved drink as I chatted with friends on the airplane. I felt powerful and energized because of the tea's mystical healing powers. But my moments of glory were short-lived. Within ten minutes, I felt sick. Very sick. Not the "I think I might puke all over myself" sick, but the "Oh my God I really need to pee but I can't because I am accelerating upward into the sky at inhuman speeds in a hunk of scrap metal so I cannot remove myself from my airplane seatbelt prison to walk to the bathroom so I will have to wait until God knows when before I can empty by bladder" kind of sick. I gripped my arm rests, gritted my teeth, tugged on my hair, and moaned in agony as I waited for the seatbelt symbol to disappear. Out of anxiety and fear, I said a prayer: "Dear God, I'm going to die. Please save me before I turn into an exploding bundle of urine. Have mercy on me and my overactive bladder. Yours truly, Sara."

I shortly afterward began panicking and imagining my death or hospitalization due to some airborne bladder infection that I would undoubtedly receive from holding my urine for so long. I pleaded with the passing stewardess if I could just go to the bathroom, but she acknowledged the still illuminated seatbelt symbol and told me to "wait a few minutes."

My immediate mental reaction was: "Excuse me? Did you just tell me to wait? Okay girlfriend, let me break this down for you. My bladder is going to rupture and I am going to die because there are no hospitals to treat me 37 gajillion feet in the air! Are you going to watch me die?"

I noticed a bold classmate of mine make a mad dash for the bathroom just a few minutes after having been told to wait. I thought to myself, "Screw this. I'm going to pee whether or not you like it. So here I go." I got up, fast walked down the aisle to the bathroom and muttered "Hallelujah!" as I opened the lavatory door. I had never wanted to see a toilet that much before in my life. Suddenly, airplane toilets were incredibly sexy. So I jumped on it and experienced immediate relief. From this experience, I gleaned a few pearls of wisdom. First, I realized that Arizona green tea with ginseng and honey is perfection.

Gents, I have some woo tactics for you. If you greatly desire to make your lady friend acquiesce to your request to take her on a date with you, all you must do is smile and offer her a nice, cold can of ginseng heaven. You will get your wish every time. Also, I say we toss the old school tradition of proposing with diamond rings. I mean, c'mon. Let's just close all the jewelry shops down and replace them with Arizona green tea-making factories. When you need to pop the question, you won't have to worry about her saying those three letters. Proposing while offering Arizona tea is an inexpensive and guaranteed way to get the "yes" that you so badly want to hear. Perhaps this is not true of all girls, but it is definitely true of me. Offer me Arizona green tea of a bottle of jackfruit/guava Vitamin Water and you will surely have my heart and hand in marriage.

Secondly, I learned that God is in the bathroom. I understand that God is everywhere, but I never think about His being in the bathroom. To experience that grace and relief after waiting for so long is golden and God-given. So my friends, God is in the bathroom.



And here's an overview of the first three days of my trip.

My East Coast trip was glorious for the most part. Of course there were those moments when I would’ve liked to run away from the teachers and classmates and friends and chitchat and schedules, but fun found me and caught me in a half nelson. On Tuesday March 18, I met the East Coast group at the airport. I had spent all the daylight hours of that day sitting around in my house reading Heavier Than Heaven, waiting for departure. When I finally got to the airport, it was unreal. I was incredibly excited. There I was. At the airport. Getting ready to leave home and familiarity and boredom and comfort for ten whole days. It was a beautiful moment. Strangely, I love the feeling of letting go and leaving some place I’ve known. I like adventure. I love new experiences and the illusion of independence. I can’t say that I was all that sad to leave my parents. I really needed to get away. I was sick of home. Except it didn’t really feel like home. It felt like a dank prison cell filled with hopelessness and predictability. I needed to leave. So, I left.

The flights were miserable. They were long and uncomfortable, which made my excitement for landing increase exponentially. As soon as I stepped off the plane, I noticed the beauty of DC from the airport terminal windows. It was spectacular. The trees displayed flowers of the softest shade of pink and the roads were shiny with rain. The group and I loaded up into the coach and headed for the Smithsonian Museum of Natural Science. The museum was rather insipid to me. There were fake animals everywhere. I don’t know, but maybe I’m crazy for not being excited at the sight of replicas of animals with educational plaques under them. I was grateful for the call the signified our leaving.

The coach delivered us at the Golden Corale for dinner. It’s basically an all you can eat buffet type of deal. I don’t really like those kinds of places, so I didn’t eat much. I ate some salad, spaghetti, and canned pears. I also ordered some water, which I didn’t realize would taste like chlorine. I hate the taste of chlorinated beverages—it’s nauseating. I didn’t realize how much I loved water from Hawaii until I had that sip of Virginian water. We left the restaurant within an hour or so for our “African American Experience” at a Zionist church. It was an interesting thing to witness. Basically, an African American lady named Sylvia sang some African spiritual songs while two men behind her played drums. I love African American music. It’s so spiritual, raw, and emotional. The sound of their voices and drums resound in everyone’s hearts. I’m sure that everyone could feel the power and grace and mercy and gratefulness in their music. I was overwhelmed by the poetic beauty of their culture and music. They are such inspirational people.

After the African American Experience, we left for the hotel.

The next day, we went to Colonial Williamsburg. Williamsburg is an incredible place. It was the original capitol of Virginia before Richmond. Williamsburg has been preserved since the 1600s or so, meaning that it hasn’t changed since it was originally built. It’s kind of like a time capsule. Williamsburg is beautiful. The buildings and architecture are breathtaking and elaborate. There were horses pulling wagons and people dressed in Puritan garb. We visited the apothecary and wig maker’s shop. I really enjoyed learning about the wigs. Wigs were, back then, called “perukes.” Perukes were made of various animal hairs and illustrated wealth and status. From this time, we get the term “bigwig.” Those with bigger wigs were wealthier and higher on the social ladder. We also visited the courthouse, where I gained some other very interesting tidbits of knowledge. Colonial forms of punishment: whipping post, stocks, and pillary. These were public forms of humiliation. If one didn’t go to church, they were punished at one of these three structures. For major offenses, criminals were dealt with at the capitol building. Unfortunately, while visiting this beautiful little town, I was stricken with dehydration and hunger. I had to lie down for a bit. My tour guide, Scott McGraw (aka Scottie), happily gave me his bottled water and Power Bar. These two things immediately restored me. Scottie is an angel. He saves me again the next day as well, which I shall mention later.

Then we left for Yorktown, which is where General Cornwallis surrendered to George Washington, resulting in the end of the Revolutionary War. I don’t remember it too vividly, but I do remember a man firing a musket into the woods. That was highly entertaining. After Yorktown, we left for Jamestown. Jamestown was the first settlement made by colonists. It’s actually a tragic place, since while the colonists were there, they weren’t prepared. Many of them died because crops didn’t grow well in the soil and the winter was devastatingly harsh. One out of five people died within one winter from bad drinking water and starvation and disease. The Jamestown settlement was far from a pleasurable place to visit. It was boring and unexciting to me. Plus, I was extremely tired by then. I was very happy when we left for dinner.

We ate dinner at William & Mary College. It’s a really small Christian school in Virginia. The campus was nice, but it’s too small for my liking. The food was alright. The best part about the dinner was when I got to buy Vitamin Water from their little café. Jackfruit guava flavor. Glorious victory.

And then, off to the hotel.

The next day was Friday March 21. We woke up very early to get in line for the Capitol. We visited the Capitol, Supreme Court, and Library of Congress. I experienced some intense panic when I dropped my ticket to get into the Capitol building. I was really worried and embarrassed. I’m normally not that irresponsible. Scottie decided to go back and look for my ticket. Thankfully, he found it! When he gave the ticket back to me, he said the cutest thing ever, “When you were thirsty, I gave you water. When you were hungry, I gave you food. When you were worries, I gave you peace. I think you can now call me ‘friend.’” Like I said, angel.

After all the excitement of Capitol Hill, we went to Union Station for lunch. I ate a far from outstanding chicken salad sandwich and then left for the Holocaust Museum. The Holocaust Museum was one of my all time favorite places on this trip. It was such an emotional place visit. All the years of history of the torture and pain and sadness of the Holocaust was condensed into one, powerful building. I got one of those little booklets about someone who was affected by the Holocaust. I got a Jewish woman named Sara. I found that rather interesting. I was happy to discover she lived, but her husband was killed at a death camp. Words can’t really describe the kinds of emotions and thoughts that were stirred in my heart by visiting this place.

Next stop was dinner at Armand’s Pizza. I had two slices of pizza with no cheese. It was basically crust, tomato sauce, and some pepperonis. I took the pepperoni off and replaced them with pineapples. I love pineapples on pizza, especially because Andy Horst loves pineapples on pizza. But no, seriously. It is yummy.

Then we did a lot of walking and saw a bunch of Presidents’ memorials, which was cool. I took quite a few pictures and what not. Then back to the hotel for sleep.

And here's some random thing I fabricated while half awake on the flight back home.

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty

You’ve made yourself up

And worn yourself in

With this year’s trends and mink furs

Don’t talk yourself to sleep like you did last night

If you close your eyes now

They will never open again

So don’t you dare blink

Or something haunting will overtake you

Something beautiful will steal you

And all you will be is what you have

A never ending list of missed calls and frustrated conversations

An open can of rotten pinto beans

A fuzzy voicemail message and crooked letters

You are the marionette with the beating heart

And I’m the one behind the scenes

Controlling your every movement with strings